My Journaling Journey: Part 3: My Struggle

April 11, 2017

This is the 3rd Part of My Journaling Journey. You can read my previous posts here:

My Journaling Journey: Part 1

My Journaling Journey: Part 2: Life Purpose

Here in this post I will share about my depression and struggle with life.

(April 22, 2015: I was at Kathmandu at that time. My Mom had recently arrived from Israel, may be couple of days ago, I had gone to receive my Mom and right now we were living in Hotel. One of the problem I face with being around my Mom is: I feel uncomfortable around her, I don’t hate her but I don’t feel comfortable when she is around me. Part of the reason might be I have spent almost 80-90% of my life away from her, may be that’s why I don’t feel easy when I am around her. But when she is away in Abroad, we are very good, we talk for hours.)

(April 22, 2015: We, mom and me were at Kathmandu inorder to convince my Dad to create my Citizenship, but he is very selfish and greedy and he don’t love us. This was the time, I felt most weak, I felt most down. He thought we were coming for his money and property and he was afraid that if he created my citizenship he will be obliged to give his property to me. Moreover my Final Exam of Grade 12 was coming, I guess it was supposed to start from March 2nd. Atlast we returned home because he started making various excuses and we became sure that he will not help. After couple of days, after Earthquake of 2015, my father’s big brother helped me to create citizenship using Kinship Certificate. Next day my father called him, scolded him for issuing my citizenship. Moreover I haven’t met my father since that day, I don’t want to, he is already married to another women, have children, and also I don’t want his property, I don’t want anything from him.) 

(April 25, 2015: I think I don’t have to say anything about this photo. Moreover we had just arrived from Kathmandu in the morning of April 24 in Night Bus.)

(April 25, 2015: Earthquake Day. My exam of grade 12 also got postponed because of Earthquake. After Earthquake Mom and I went to Syangja with my Father’s Big Brother and he helped me to get my citizenship.)

(May 9, 2015: I don’t think I have to say anything about this.) 

(May 16, 2015: Yeah, I was getting depressed a lot during those days. My best friend was diary, he helped me a lot, he listened to me, stayed with me. I was getting angry at everyone, I was frustrated with life.) 

(May 28, 2015: Just a another day.)

(May 31, 2015: Whenever some thought used to come or whenever I used to feel alone, I just to journal. I used to express all my problems and daily life with my Diary, like it was my best friend, like it is my family members or close person.)

During this time, I got depressed a lot. But my journaling habit helped me a lot.

 

My Journaling Journey: Part 2 : Life Purpose

April 11, 2017

This is the 2nd Part of My Journaling Journey. For more clarity you can read my previous post: My Journaling Journey: Part 1.

Here in this post, I will describe how my Life Purpose has evolved to present condition:

“Life is like an onion if you peel one layer of onion other will come, if you peel it again another shows up and if you keep peeling, at the end only the core of onion remains.” So, here I am still peeling my onion.

(April 18, 2012: At that time, I thought this is my Life Purpose. I was a big fan of animals, still am, I love animals, their innocence. So, I thought everyone are working for the welfare of people but no one is working for animals, hence I made my mind to work for welfare of animals.)

(February 19, 2014: Actually the date is wrong, it should be something like this 2070/11/07 but who has the time to consult calendar everytime you want to journal. So, here I am trying to figure out my real life purpose. This is just one of the example, I have tried many things, I have asked many questions to myself.)

(February 19, 2014: This is Part 2nd of Deep Soul Searching. You are supposed to write everything that comes into your head without any restrictions until you feel deeply connected to the statement. And you are allowed to take as much time as you can, you are even allowed to leave it for a while and again join it if you feel bored.)

(February 19, 2014: This is Part 3rd of Deep Soul Searching.)

(February 19, 2014: This is Part 4th of Deep Soul Searching.)

(February 19, 2014: This is Part 5th of Deep Soul Searching. February 21, 2014: I saw the dream.)

(February 21, 2014: Part 2nd: I saw the dream.)

Right now my life Purpose is: “To live everyday to the fullest and to get better and better everyday in everyway. To help other to live better life.”

I guess Journaling helped me a lot to understand about myself and know about myself.